written by Parker Rose
Regardless of the social sphere we’re in, it is a good practice to keep your eyes and ears to behaviors that may suggest a person is dishonest, narcissistic, or careless. Though these red flags in kink are here for BDSM, though it is sensible to apply this checklist to any new encounter you may have interest in pursuing. Keep in mind there are others as well, so there will be more Opening Gateways blogs on this coming soon.
Red Flags In Kink – Checklist Part 1
- Is your interest abiding by the social rules of the situation?
- Are they picking up on the cues of other people/yourself, or are they trying to hog the spotlight and be the “star of the show?”
- Do they attempt to “one-up” people/you in stories or actions? Do they talk over who’s present?
- Is your interest hypervigilant?
- From a Dom(me) perspective, this may look like predatory lurking, accompanied by long stares and sparse communication. People like this can be dangerous because they often approach their relationships with subs (who are usually naive and new to the scene) as a “hunt,” where the sub is someTHING to conquer. This type of folk generally dehumanizes their play partners and can be quite controlling even outside the D/s relationship.
- From a Sub perspective, this may take form in the “deer in the headlights” look, also accompanied by long stares and sparse communication. This type of behavior suggests the presence of trauma, and it may be harmful to engage with this person until they process and heal (especially for the sub, but also for you).
- Is your interest overly consumptive?
- Do they take more than they give? Are they greedy with their needs?
- Are alcohol or party substances consumed in excess?
- Does your interest try to charm their way into casual conversations/relationships?
- Are they overwhelming you with special attention? Showering you in compliments before knowing you well?
Kink Red Flags – Checklist Part 2
- Does your interest openly disrespect folk?
- Do they show remorse organically, or only when called out? Do they change their behavior afterward?
- Does it seem they only have “black and white” thinking, where if someone disagrees with them, that makes that person an enemy?
- Do they immediately lash out with harsh words and a raised voice in disagreements? Do they listen to the other side’s concerns/point of view without dismissal?
Red Flags In Kink – Final Notes
At Opening Gateways, we are wanting to provide fantastic education to help prepare you for kinky fun. Read our other red flag articles, Red Flags As Dom(es) and Red Flags As Subs. Oh, and you can read Part 1 of this blog set here. Plus, get more information about kink events in Ann Arbor and more! Oh, and here is our Facebook Page Link!
